During my adult life my weight has ranged from 9st 12lbs to 14st 8lbs, I have worn clothes size 10 up to size 18, but what I'm realising as I get older (I'll be 36 in January) is that my weight doesn't define me.
For a very long time I have battled with my weight, I always felt like people judged me when I was heavier. I'd dress in baggy clothes which made me look much bigger than I was and I'd give up on trying to look good. Being a busy mum didn't help with the motivation either, I figured there was no point in trying when I was going to school and back and never went anywhere else. Add to that reading glossy fashion magazines and my self-esteem was low.
A few years ago I decided it was time to change and I dedicated all my spare time to losing weight. I started by walking with friends after school drop-off but when my walking partner got a job I turned to my treadmill. I walked/ran 2 miles every week day and over the course of a couple of years I lost a lot of weight eventually reaching 9st 12lbs.
I LOVED it. Cue shopping sprees where I bought beautiful and expensive dresses that I only just fit in to and shoes with high heels. I was happy that all my hard work had paid off.
After coming home from our Florida trip I didn't do any more running. I was tired, I needed a break, and I wanted to concentrate on my blog. As a result the weight piled back on again and right now I'm almost back to where I was when I started. I don't run, I barely walk anywhere, I don't get much exercise at all.
While I know that losing weight will mean I am healthier dedicating the time required in order to lose the weight is harder to justify right now.
Every day I get out of bed at around 6:15am, I spend the morning making breakfasts and cleaning until I drop off LP at school. Some days it's straight to the supermarket from school and that can take up to 2 hours. By the time I get home and have put the shopping away it's almost lunch time. I'll head into my office and do an hour's work on the computer before heading back downstairs to do lunch. An hour for lunch, which is spent chatting to the Hubby while eating a healthy meal. In the afternoon I go back into my office and get done what I can before school pickup at 3:15pm.
Arriving home after school I have to get back to the household chores and sorting out dinner. By the time we've all eaten dinner and chatted for a while it's almost LP's bedtime. After 7:30pm my time is my own and I could use this time to do exercise, but if I did that I wouldn't get to sit with the Hubby while we enjoy our TV shows. For me it's not about the TV, it's about spending time with my husband. We spend a few hours every day sitting next to one another, chatting or watching our favourite shows, and we both enjoy that time. Taking time out to do exercise means taking time away from the Hubby and I'm not willing to give up that time.
Perhaps when the boys are older, when they get themselves up in a morning, make themselves breakfast and get off to school/university without being nagged, then I might take the time in a morning to do exercise.
The silly thing is I can still look good even though I'm overweight. I CAN wear nice clothes, I CAN be stylish, and I CAN enjoy fashion. Whether I'm referred to as "fat", "overweight", or "plus-size" I don't care.
I am me.
I am me at 9st 12lbs and I am me at 14st 8lbs (there's just more of me to love!), nothing will change who I am. I like watching movies and TV series, I like playing board games with my boys, I like writing this blog, and I like food. I refuse to feel bad for fancying a chocolate bar or a cream cake.
And you should too.
Cream cakes are yummy. Chocolate is yummy. And you know what? They don't change who you are. You may be slightly overweight, fat, or plus size, but your weight does not determine who you are - YOU do.
You can enjoy your life the way YOU choose, whether you like movies, dancing, or even running.
You can wear the clothes you love thanks to awesome sites like Simply Be and Evans and you can look just as good (if not better!) as those thin supermodels.
Confidence looks great on everyone so go out there wearing your favourite outfit, strut your stuff, and be proud of who you are.