For the last few months I've written a few posts about normality being restored after various incidents. Blogger's block, kids holidays and illness have taken their toll and I always refer to me writing again as being 'back to normal'. Over the easter break I've come to realise that this just can't be true, the interruptions to my writing time seem to happen more often than not so Chaos must equal Normality!
Whether it's blogger's block, being ill, kids holidays or anything else that might pop up, they're all normal; my everyday routine. Those times when things calm down and I do actually have time to get a decent amount of writing done, they're the blips, the disruption to routine. I don't know why I didn't realise this before, after all isn't that what being a parent is? Living amongst complete chaos and somehow managing to not go insane?
I've said before that I thrive on routine, I like to know that what happened yesterday is going to happen today. The time I had last week will be just the same this week and nothing is going to get in the way of that. But of course when you have children this just doesn't happen, there's always something going on. That routine I crave so much is just a figment of my imagination and it will never arrive.
My boys are back at school today and the house is quiet, which is lovely. The kitchen needs tidying, there's a mountain of washing and ironing to do but at least the kids toys are away. I'm trying very hard to find that motivation to make sure all the housework gets done. For the whole easter break I've felt like all things conspired against me and I got nothing done. I was ill for about a week, then LP was ill and then it was my turn again. All this on top of decorating BP's bedroom, a friend's birthday party and travelling to see family. Now that the boys are back at school all I really want to do is go to bed and sleep. I feel drained.
I'll keep going, pushing myself to complete the housework (at least partially) and squeezing in as much writing as I can before the school run. Eventually the fitness will be back into my 'routine' and I'll begin to feel like me again. Finding time for everything is hard, prioritisation just means that some things don't get done. But again, it's human nature and sometimes it's okay to forget about things and just relax.
Being a parent is difficult and draining and making sure the family and home runs smoothly is a 24/7 job. From now on I'm going to give myself the breaks when I need them and I suggest you do the same. It's pointless berating ourselves all the time for not getting things done, chores will still be there tomorrow. Pushing our bodies harder and hoping that we have the strength to work past illness without taking breaks just doesn't work. Take the breaks you need, take time for yourself and everything else will fall into place.