The Inner Fort

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Ever since I can remember I've been taught, in more ways than one, that showing emotions is a bad thing. Unfortunately when I was a child I was unable to control my emotions and would often end up in tears over something silly. This lead to me being tagged as the weaker sibling and I got picked on and bullied by family and so-called friends.

What does your inner fort look like?


I'm not sure how or why I was this way, it just happened. I was empathetic and I would always try to help someone in trouble. I would cry at movies and even the slightest sign of a fight and I would back away. I have never been the type of person who likes confrontations.

All of these things contributed to my weaker persona.

As a teenager I learned quickly that showing emotions just makes things worse. Teenage girls can be awful and I found that if I hid my emotions they would leave me alone. And so started the construction of my Inner Fort.

You know what I'm talking about, that place where you put anything and everything you want to lock away and never think of again.
That place where you keep secrets and awful things that would completely crush you if they broke free.

I have written about my inner fort before in my post Secrets which you can find here.

My fort is filled with all kinds of things that I rarely think of. I don't like to think of these things because when I do I am overcome and can't control the floods of tears that result. The things inside my fort are in there because I have decided, whether consciously or subconsciously, that I can't deal with them. There they will stay for eternity.

I know that I am not the only woman with a fort, in fact I think I could go as far as saying that all women have a fort in some form or another. We all have secrets we want to keep, we all have things we'd much rather never deal with.



The problem with these inner forts is that they are not, I repeat NOT, impenetrable.

Those secrets you are keeping are going to come out sooner or later. As you can read in Secrets, I revealed my fort's contents to the hubby and life was much better afterwards. Don't get me wrong those things still hurt and I do still have my fort but I don't have to deal with it alone. If anything gets to me I can talk to the hubby and I know he'll listen and comfort me if necessary.

Having someone around who is a good listener or someone who can give great advice makes a lot of difference to how you cope. If you are able to unload some of that hidden emotion it eases your stress levels and somehow makes life more pleasant. It may not happen immediately and it may hurt to talk to someone but after a day or two, maybe even a week or two, you will feel better. Kind of like getting air to an injury to help it heal, talking about problems can help you heal.

Do you have a fort and if so how do you cope with its contents?


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8 comments:

  1. A really brave and important post Morgan, sharing things is so much better than holing them up inside your own personal fort. I've always been one to hold things inside but I found that without even realising it, they were actually eating away at me constantly. I'm lucky in that hubby is always there to listen to me and support me. Of course there are things I don't enjoy talking about, but if I do need to talk about them, he is there to listen, and he wants to know. Not everyone has that, I never did before I met him. Someone to listen without judging feels like a rare thing! But as they say, a problem shared, is a problem halved. Great post #allaboutyou xx

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    1. Thank you Caroline. You're so right about things eating away at you, I felt like that for a long time. We are very lucky to be able to talk to someone so close to us and know that they'll listen when we need them to. I didn't have that either before I met the hubby, it is definitely a rare thing.

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  2. Coping is not what I do best. I am always hurting and I have no one to help me with things esp here in the UK. I am alone. I would always cry too at night. I just want to go home. But I cant and this is eating me. How do I cope is that I have this front that I look like I am okay but when I alone I eat. And take comfort in eating food. Now I gained so much weight and I know that I will get overweight soon but I think, I convince myself that that is better than to go clinical crazy. I wish I can build an inner fort. #PoCoLo

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    1. Coping when you're feeling so alone is tough, especially when you don't feel 'at home'. Putting up that front can work sometimes but that inner hurt will cause more pain overall. Food is always my go to comfort when I'm feeling down but this isn't an answer either. I really would recommend finding a close friend you can talk to, whether that be an online friend or otherwise. These things we use to protect ourselves can never truly protect us and getting that pain out is the best way to feel better. Thank you for being so honest and I truly hope that your hurt is eased soon. xx

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  3. So first of all this post really touched me, and of course we all have these inner forts. I often think that hiding things is one of the things I do best. And then I read the comment above, and felt crushed - I have been on that journey, and battled with some demons using a similar strategy too. But you can win, you can determine how you deal with your fortress' inhabitants. I am stronger than my fort. That's what we need to remember. And you are NOT the weaker one. I truly believe it takes great strength to let yourself feel. Thank you so much Morgan, for a beautiful #AllAboutYou post. Hope you can come back tomorrow. xx

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    1. Thank you Zaz, this has always been something that I feel very strongly about. Those demons or monsters can be very scary indeed but I think WE are the stronger ones like you said. We are the ones that keep going every day while trying various ways to deal with those monsters. And we do win. Every day we win a little battle and eventually the war will be won. Having someone around with a good listening ear is one of the best aids in these battles. xx

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  4. This is a great way of describing inner emotions and I have never really thought of it like this before. I have inner emotions but far less these days than I used to because I have turned them into doves and let them go. There are some which will never turn though and will be destined to be there forever. I think you have just inspired me for Prose for Thought tomorrow xx Thank you for linking to PoCoLo :)

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    1. I love the idea of turning those emotions into doves to let them go! What a great way of trying to deal with things. Thank you. xx

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