The Inner Fort

Ever since I can remember I've been taught, in more ways than one, that showing emotions is a bad thing. Unfortunately when I was a child I was unable to control my emotions and would often end up in tears over something silly. This lead to me being tagged as the weaker sibling and I got picked on and bullied by family and so-called friends.

What does your inner fort look like?

I'm not sure how or why I was this way, it just happened. I was empathetic and I would always try to help someone in trouble. I would cry at movies and even the slightest sign of a fight and I would back away. I have never been the type of person who likes confrontations.

All of these things contributed to my weaker persona.

As a teenager I learned quickly that showing emotions just makes things worse. Teenage girls can be awful and I found that if I hid my emotions they would leave me alone. And so started the construction of my Inner Fort.

You know what I'm talking about, that place where you put anything and everything you want to lock away and never think of again.
That place where you keep secrets and awful things that would completely crush you if they broke free.

I have written about my inner fort before in my post Secrets which you can find here.

My fort is filled with all kinds of things that I rarely think of. I don't like to think of these things because when I do I am overcome and can't control the floods of tears that result. The things inside my fort are in there because I have decided, whether consciously or subconsciously, that I can't deal with them. There they will stay for eternity.

I know that I am not the only woman with a fort, in fact I think I could go as far as saying that all women have a fort in some form or another. We all have secrets we want to keep, we all have things we'd much rather never deal with.

The problem with these inner forts is that they are not, I repeat NOT, impenetrable.

Those secrets you are keeping are going to come out sooner or later. As you can read in Secrets, I revealed my fort's contents to the hubby and life was much better afterwards. Don't get me wrong those things still hurt and I do still have my fort but I don't have to deal with it alone. If anything gets to me I can talk to the hubby and I know he'll listen and comfort me if necessary.

Having someone around who is a good listener or someone who can give great advice makes a lot of difference to how you cope. If you are able to unload some of that hidden emotion it eases your stress levels and somehow makes life more pleasant. It may not happen immediately and it may hurt to talk to someone but after a day or two, maybe even a week or two, you will feel better. Kind of like getting air to an injury to help it heal, talking about problems can help you heal.

Do you have a fort and if so how do you cope with its contents?

Mama and More
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