Secrets are a funny thing. 

We all have them.

Secrets | It's good to let secrets out.

For a very long time my secrets have been locked away in my head, hidden inside a fortress, surrounded by an unbreakable forcefield. You know the kind. It's the place you put those things you never want to remember and never want to reveal. The things you'd rather forget. However, your mind has a strange way of working and sometimes remnants of those memories can leak out.

My whole life I have learned that keeping secrets is the best way to survive. I managed to build a fortress to protect myself and always kept things hidden. By the time I met my husband it was filled with all kinds of things. Once me and the Hubby became serious I told him some of my secrets, but never details. There are just some things you can't say. We have been together for nearly ten years and in all that time he has never given me a reason to put anything into my fortress. We have two gorgeous boys and are happily married. Yet I still struggle when it comes to revealing my true thoughts and feelings. I guess I spent so long protecting myself that it's hard to let someone in, even when you trust them.

Recently I had leakage. Memory leakage. An incident caused a surprise reaction from me and I had to explain myself. The rest of the day was spent with lots of tears and lots of alcohol. I told the Hubby my secrets. It was hard and at the time I didn't think it would make anything better. The funny thing about those hidden memories is that they fester and mutate in your head. They become huge monsters that terrify you and the thought of revealing them is overwhelming.

In the end I did reveal them and at first I didn't feel better. Not at all. In fact, I felt worse. The things I'd been talking about were now fresh memories, they were all I could think about. This went on for a few days and I wasn't sure I could stand it. I felt low, I didn't want to do anything. The problem was I knew no one could help me, that was the reason I'd never revealed my secrets before. What's the point in revealing something when no one can do anything about it anyway? It's in the past. That's where it should stay.

Now things are different. My husband really knows me and now understands why certain things have a strange reaction. Life is better. I don't feel low anymore. Revealing my secrets has made me realise just how much my husband loves me and now I know I'm safe. I don't need to hide anything in that fortress. I have someone that will keep my secrets and help me get past them. It has made my life so much easier.

If you have a fortress I would recommend revealing those secrets to someone you trust. Those few days of darkness were hell and I hated every minute of it but they passed. I feel much better now and I know I can talk to my husband about anything. I feel closer to him and it's made our relationship stronger. Someone else shares my secrets and I don't have to carry them alone anymore.

Even though that fortress is strong and you think those secrets are hidden, at some point they will leak. Something or someone will trigger a memory and then comes the storm. 

Set yourself free, ease your pain. 

Clear the air. 

You will feel much better for it.