What is Marriage?

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On this day, the 10th anniversary of the Hubby's and my marriage, I'm asking what is marriage? Over the past few days I have read posts and seen quotes that paint marriage in a  bad light, as if it's something that destroys women and turns men into pigs. And it made me sad...




What is marriage?


Google defines marriage as "the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman)". 

The partners part of that is what resonates most with me. A marriage is a partnership.

But it is so much more than that too.

Two people coming together in front of their friends and family to promise to love and cherish one another is a wedding, not a marriage. But two people coming together, making a life together and ensuring each other is happy (and so much more) is a marriage.




How being a child of divorce altered my view of marriage


When my parents divorced I was 14 years old and it hit me hard. I drank, I skipped school, the works.  And at that time I made a decision to never get married. Why would I do that to myself when it was clearly such a terrible thing. It turned people who had once loved one another into mortal enemies, it made them fight over their children, and it changed them. 





  • Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.


Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray






I saw marriage as a farce; two people pretending to care about one another when they didn't really like each other very much. They would tolerate one another because they had children but before the children had grown they found they couldn't stand each other any longer. As a result the marriage, the family, was torn apart hurting everyone. 

I was put off marriage and having children because I didn't want to have a family split up the way mine was. It was far too difficult for me to deal with and there was no way I could allow myself to do that to someone I loved.




What changed?


Well, it was the Hubby. He changed me. 

This was taken back in 2003 in Florida, our first trip of many.


When I first met the Hubby, 15 years ago, I was still very much against marriage. I didn't think that would change but it wasn't long before I realised how wrong I had been. The Hubby showed me that it was possible to feel truly loved, to know that no matter what another person would be there for you. 

I was completely in love with the Hubby within a few short months, something I never thought possible. 

Me, standing in front of the NASA Assembly Building - it was rather windy which is why I'm holding onto my hat!



Even before I had kids I loved Mickey!


In our first year together the Hubby and I had travelled to San Francisco, Las Vegas, and Orlando. It wasn't long before we were talking about trying to have a baby and a couple of months later I was pregnant with BP. 

At that time I didn't think I could be happier.

Then, one night the Hubby asked me to marry him. And I cried. I could be happier!




Our marriage


We got married in Bolsover Castle on 16th June 2007 and it really was one of the happiest days of my life. I stood up in front of family and friends and promised to love the Hubby for the rest of my life, and I really meant it.




We had an amazing wedding day, went on to have another gorgeous son, and many more trips abroad. But what makes me happiest about our marriage is not the trips away or the things we have, it's us. The fact that, even after 10 years of marriage, we still love each other just as much as we did then, if not more.

The Hubby is my world. I see him every single day, we eat lunch together every single day, we sit together every evening to watch our favourite shows, and I still can't get enough of him. Spending so much time together is not a bad thing for us, we love it. 

Often we get asked "don't you get sick of one another?" and we're perplexed, I mean, why would we?




Is our marriage different?


When it comes to others' marriages I don't judge, after all what works for us may not work for others. But I do find it odd when two people are married but never seem to spend any time together. The woman spends time watching TV (sorry for the massive generalisations here!) in the evening while the man heads to the pub to see his friends. When the woman is home looking after the children or the house the man is out working (or vice-versa). They barely get enough time to say hello to one another and when they do they find they don't really like the same subjects. 

How does the marriage work? I have no idea.




It saddens me


What saddens me the most though is that when I was writing a post and looking for some great quotes about marriage what I found was a whole lot of quotes about how terrible marriage is. From women saying men are pigs to men saying they will never change, no matter how much their wife wants them to, it was all either sarcastic or down-right wrong. 





  • Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.


H.M. Harwood







This quote strikes me as strange. When you think about it logically everyone changes over the years and you're crazy to think anyone will always be the same. The point is, when you do change the best way to stay happy is to change in the same ways. As time passes and you both grow up if you spend more and more time doing different things you will grow apart. It is just what happens. The key is growing up together, growing closer, not away from each other.




  • Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he's not the man she married? 


Barbra Streisand






Totally Barbra! If you married someone you thought you needed to change you married the wrong person. Why spend years with someone you don't truly love the way they are? I don't understand women, or men, who marry someone they think needs to change in order to be perfect.




  • One should always be in love. That's the reason one should never marry. 


Oscar Wilde





I cannot disagree more with this quote, I know it's Oscar Wilde but still. If there is no love in a marriage the marriage is doomed. You cannot be married to someone without love, it just doesn't work. 



Now, I understand that the topic of marriage can be a great way to get laughs. There are so many ways to hit on the generalisations of gender and make people laugh, either because it's true or because it so blatantly isn't.

But really I think marriage is a wonderful thing.




A union of two people


When I married the Hubby we became one. A union of the two of us, a promise to one another, and all that goes with it, completed me. 

I am the Hubby's wife, but I am still me. Me, Morgan, likes all the same things the Hubby does (for the most part) and vice-versa. There are things that I do that the Hubby doesn't, like blogging for example, and there are things that the Hubby does that I don't, like programming. We both appreciate we are different people but we are very similar too and that's what works for us. 




Celebrating


This weekend we're celebrating our 10th anniversary by heading into London. Our first trip alone together for a long time, and we're both very excited. 

It will be a chance for us to be together without having to think about parenting. We can be just us. We will enjoy time in a hotel, we will wander through our capital seeing sights and chatting the whole time. 





  • May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day in paradise. 

Rumi




We are best friends, we are partners. Forever.

What do you think of marriage?

Post Comment Love

24 comments:

  1. Thanks for such a positive post. May you're shared hopes and dreams become a reality over the (many) coming years.

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  2. A lovely post and you have demonstrated that marriage works X #pocolo

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    1. Thanks hun, it certainly works for us. ☺️

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  3. This is a lovely post. I think marriage can be very hard work at times, not because you don't love the person you married but because of all the stresses and strains that every day life can bring and you tend to take those stresses out on each other. I've been married for 17 years this year and we have had a few ups and downs, but I know that there is no-one else that I want to come home to. Happy anniversary and here's to many more years of wedded bliss for you both xx

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    1. You're right, it can be hard at times but I think if you work as partners it'll always work out. Wow, 17 years, that's a long time - congrats! ☺️

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  4. Happy 10th Anniversary! Thats awesome.I love this post! Its such a heartwarming read! I, too had to deal with divorced parents aged 14 but I internalised everything I think. Happily, I found the man of my dreams and we have our own happily ever after but it doesn't come easily at times! #PoColo

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    1. Thank you so much! Yep, I hear you on the internalising everything. Glad you found your prince! ☺️

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  5. Happy anniversary to you and your hubby!
    The only reason my fella and I are not married is because we can't afford it. lol We have been together nearly 11 years. I don't think marriage would change us x

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    1. Thanks Kim!
      Oh that's a shame, but if you live as a married couple anyway then it's pretty much the same thing. Congrats on your 11 years. xx

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  6. Peter and i didn't marry in front of family and friends, we eloped, the reason for this was we had both been married before where our respective partners and families had felt that the marriage and in particular the wedding was more about them than the bride and groom and took over, interfered and thought they had the right to dictate and map the future, 15 years on we've still not been forgiven fully for doing our marriage, our way, especially after decided we wanted to live our lives abroad. I'm glad things have worked for you and congratulations on your 10 years

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    1. Thanks Suzanne.
      I think the Hubby's parents would've disowned us if we'd eloped. Although we did briefly consider it. :)

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  7. Happy Anniversary! Last weekend, hubby and I celebrated 6 years! While we are still very happy, it's not always easy and I think a lot of people go into it thinking it's all cupcakes and rainbows. I work for a divorce firm and see a lot of the negative side of marriage on a daily basis - how half our lawyers are married I will never know! I personally love being married. The partnership is so important. Me and him against the world. No better feeling. #PoCoLo

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    1. Congrats on your 6 years! I agree that people tend to think it's easy, but really it's about finding the person that makes it easy. For us it is easy, we're just right for each other. :)
      Totally about the partnership - I'm with you on that one. xxx

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  8. What a lovely post and happy anniversary! It's our 10th wedding anniversary in July, I cna't believe how quickly the time has gone X #PoCoLo

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    1. Thanks Lins, and congrats on your 10th too! Time really does fly doesn't it?

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  9. Congratulations! Hope you both had a wonderful time in London. Loved this post. Every relationship is different, but as long as it works and everyone is happy, it's all good.

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    1. Thanks hun. We had a great time in London. 😘

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  10. It is wonderful that your point of view of marriage has been turned round by such a special person. Happy anniversary! We're celebrating 19 years married tomorrow. I cannot imagine spending my life without my other half. #pocolo

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    1. I was lucky to have found the Hubby and it was definitely thanks to him that I changed my mind. Thank you. And congrats to you on your 19 years - 20 next year!! I hope you have something amazing planned for your 20th anniversary! ☺️

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  11. I hope you had a great time together and got to switch off - making the most of the time you had. We are brought up on the fairy tale and for me I was lucky enough to find my prince. I think as long as everyone is happy that's what matters most. #PoCoLo

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    1. You're totally right Helena, it's about being happy. We did get to switch off thanks, plenty of time chilling which was nice.

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  12. Hope you had a great time - and congratulations - we celebrated 10 years of marriage too this year (ours was 10/6) and while we had a party this last weekend in the preparations for it, I was often struck by how good a team we are, so partnership is a great way to sum it up for me. #PoCoLo xx

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    1. We did thank you Steph, and congrats to you too! It seems like 2007 was the year to get married! Only the best people got married that year! 😉

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