Things I've learned about myself since becoming a mother

I have been a mum for nearly 14 years and if I'm honest I never thought I'd be very good at it. It's wasn't something I grew up knowing I wanted to do, in fact I didn't think much about it at all. When it did happen it made me very happy and I wouldn't change it for the world but there are things I've learned about myself since becoming a mother.



Patience...


Before I had children I thought I was a patient person, then I had kids and I've had to admit that I'm not quite as patient as I thought. Within a few seconds the boys can come crashing into my head and have me screaming at the top of my voice just by repeating the same high pitched noise or word a few hundred times.

Kids have a knack of turning your world upside down and sometimes they even do it intentionally! My boys drive me potty with their incessant repeating of things - it's usually a series of words but when they choose to make a noise or grunt I can't help becoming shouty mum.





Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson





Then there's the times when they choose to completely ignore me. I can ask them, nicely, to put something away and 30 minutes later it will still be there. They will ignore me until I start shouting and then I'm being unreasonable by shouting. Seriously... when did I become so impatient?



The daily grind


I cannot stand having to do the same jobs again and again - you know the ones, they never get finished. Like the washing, the cooking, the cleaning, it's the same thing every day and it will never change. It's not like any other job I can think of, I just do the same tasks every day and they never seem to get any easier or get finished. And I cannot stand it!

I like the idea of completing things, finishing jobs. With housework and being a mum the jobs never get finished because they come back every day, the same day-in-day-out. I have had to resort to sectioning things - turning them into smaller chunks of the same job just to convince myself I'm making progress. This comes into focus most with the washing. I have piles everywhere and it's only by finishing a pile or even just one load that I can feel good about completing anything.



Questioning myself


I never questioned myself quite so much before I had children, but these days I'm constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm good enough. If I cook a meal I wonder if it's nutritional enough, if I clean the house I wonder if it's clean enough, and when the boys have friends over I wonder if I've entertained them enough. It is never-ending.

A day does not go by when I don't think I'm good enough for my boys. I often upset myself because of how rubbish I think I am at being a mum and a housewife. It's silly I know because no-one could be their mum more than me, but at the same time I still question myself. That little voice inside my head that tells me I'm not good enough eats away at me and I can't stop it. She will be there forever and I just have to work out different ways of getting her to quieten down.


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On other children


I never thought I would say the words "I really don't like that boy/girl" but I've found myself saying those exact words increasingly. As I watch my boys grow up and make friends I see them have arguments and fights with "friends" and it bothers me. I turn into the Incredible Hulk at even the slightest idea that someone has hurt my child in some way.

We recently had an incident with one of BP's so-called friends and I couldn't help saying "I really don't like that boy!" - not to BP of course, but to the Hubby. I wanted to interfere and yell, but I can't, I have to let BP sort it out for himself and that hurts.

I have no doubt that any girl who hurts my boys will see the Incredible Hulk side of me - I don't think I'll be able to contain myself when I see my boys' hearts get broken.



Alone time


Alone time is precious! I had no idea how precious it was until I had children, I was oblivious to the constraints of time after you have children. These days I savour the alone time when it happens because I never know when I'll get more. Admittedly I get more alone time now the boys are older (8 and 13) because they spend time with friends or at school, but I still appreciate it just as much.



Am I stupid?


This has been a more recent development - as my boys get older and study more complicated things at school I have started to question my own intelligence. I never thought of myself as dim or stupid but lately I've questioned this more than I'd like.

When it comes to Maths I'll admit I'm not great at it - I used to be, when I worked at used it every day but now I use it rarely I'm terrible. My 8 year old is better than me! He's a whizz at his times tables and he does sums it takes me ages to work out.

Then there's playing Scrabble - I don't remember the last time I won at a game of Scrabble. When it was just the Hubby and I playing I didn't mind it so much because I know the Hubby is much smarter than me but now the boys play too it's really demoralising. They come up with great words and beat me by far and I can't help but question my own intelligence. For a long time I have prided myself on being okay at English, I can spell and I write on a daily basis but when your children are beating you at Scrabble you start to question it.



Good Morning!


It turns out I AM a morning person. Who'd have thought?! When I was a teenager, and far into my early adulthood, I hated mornings. Dragging myself out of bed in a morning was difficult and I always had a lie-in at the weekend - and those lie-ins were staying in bed until at least 10am.


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These days I get up at 6am every day. I have a number of alarms but I do tend to get up at 6 and start my day. It is brilliant because I get lots done in a morning and I get some time before everyone else gets up. Now I'm not perfect of course because I do still like a lie-in - it's just that the lie-ins these days are staying in bed until 7:30am if I'm lucky!



A big heart


I am capable of loving someone enough to give my life for them. When you're young you cannot imagine wanting to give your life for someone else - it seems an insane thing to do. But when you become a parent you would do it in a second to save the life of your child. The love between parent and child is an unbreakable bond. Just seeing my boys upset makes tears well up in my eyes and I have to hold back the tears. My love is strong, and to look after my boys I would do absolutely anything.





The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.

Honore de Balzac




I am SUPERWOMAN


There is no doubt in my mind that I am Superwoman. Not only do I cook meals 3 times a day, clean the house on a daily basis (most of the time), and tackle a mountain of washing, but I also play taxi driver when my boys go to their clubs, I look after them when they're sick, I make them feel better after a fall, and I entertain them with my nonsense when they're feeling down. I am a million things and I am one thing. I am their carer, their support. I am the rock when they need it. I am their mum. And I am just one person.

As a mum I take on the responsibility to look after my family, I make it my responsibility to make sure my family is safe and happy and if there's anything I can do to make it happen I do.

If you're anything like me then YOU are Superwoman too!




What things have you learned about yourself since becoming a mother?


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31 comments

  1. It really is quite a journey of self-discovery, parenthood — and we might not always like what we find out about ourselves. But hopefully the good outweighs the bad! #AnythingGoes

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    1. Very true End - I'll keep my fingers crossed!

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  2. It is the wildest ride, and the best one ever! Lovely read! #bigpinklink xoxo

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  3. Parenthood has a habit of removing all the window dressing and forcing you to confront who you really are. Some of which you'll be pleasantly surprised about, other bits not so much :)

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    1. Very true! I always keep my fingers crossed for for the pleasantly surprised!

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  4. We learn so much about ourselves when we become parents, not all of it positive. I realised how impatient I am. Washing and ironing does grind me down too. I did 5 loads in 1 day this week and felt like weeping! However, despite everything, being a parent is the best role I have ever had #pocolo

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    1. Couldn't agree more Louisa! And well done you for doing 5 loads in 1 day - I admire you!!

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  5. When I taught school decades ago right out of college, I told the older teachers that "any normal child can drive any normal adult right up the wall." I still stand by that.

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  6. I don't think I will ever be a morning person by choice. Have to be as a mom! #pocolo

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    1. Haha, I thought that too - it sneaked up on me!

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  7. Yes to all of this! You really do learn lot when you have kids..
    Ahh! Just wait until they start their GCSE's I have no idea when my teen shows me her maths homework.
    I will never be a morning person! I've tried and do get up but I am such a grump. lol x

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    1. Haha, I certainly need coffee when I get up in a morning! And yes, the GCSE time is going to be fun (read stressful!). :)

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  8. It is amazing the things you learn as a mother, patience is something that I am not very good at but somehow have to be as a parent. The daily grind can be hard but now and again having something change can be worth it X #pocolo

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    1. I totally agree. It's all change all of the time, but there's always something that makes it all worth it. :)

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  9. Hi Morgan, OooOOooooOOoo you mustn't doubt yourself! As Mums we may be Superwomen but we're still only human and we mustn't let society and what's expected of us put too much pressure on us (easier said than done, I know)... For me it is the neverending and thankless task of trying to keep the house running smoothly that get's me the most. I learned quite early on that I am no domestic Goddess, our house has a very lived in look and I can live with that. I thought I loved cooking, but learned that that it soon becomes a chore when it's a 'must cook' rather than leisure time... I love being a morning person, that time before the family wakes up is precious quiet time for me...

    Thank you for hosting #PoCoLo

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    1. I totally agree Debbie, it's easy to let the doubt creep in isn't it? And yes, that quiet time is amazing. 😊

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  10. Great post. I found myself nodding along all the way through because I have discovered all the exact same things about myself too, especially the patience!
    Thank you for joining the #FamilyFunLinky x

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  11. Loved reading your post Morgan. I was nodding reading this as I have been through a lot of these things over the years. At the minute I keep thinking I need something to do a little different now mine are getting older. (I have been a mum for over 23 years now, eek!! That makes me sound old!!) Something fun or challenging when the children are at school. Staying indoors can drive me mad sometimes. I love being a work from home Mum but someday I just need to get out and talk to people. Thanks for sharing at Creative Mondays :) Hope you can join us tomorrow.

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    1. I hear you Claire! It can be quite a lonely thing working from home can't it? Sometimes I wonder about grabbing the MacBook and going to a coffee shop! 😉

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  12. Yes you certainly learn a lot about yoyrself being a parent. And I wouldn’t worry about the Maths they just have a different way of teaching it now! I’m an Accountant, or I was until I retired last Dec, and it took me ages to get my head around my 8 and 10 year old grandsons homework. They also seem to get so much mor3 homework at Primary school now. #bigpinklink

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    1. Oh yes they definitely get more homework, my youngest has at least 2 sheets per week plus any online stuff they do! It's crazy. x

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  13. Fab post Morgan - definitely superwoman :) xx

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  14. I have always been a very patient and calm person but having kids really has tested that - it is certainly a learning curve. #fabFridayPost

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  15. I've definitely learnt about patience, about stopping and listening when our 8 yo talks to me. And really stopping and listening when it's a 'chat'... I agree that the hardest part of being a parent is letting them stand up for themselves when you want to go in there roaring like a lion! Thanks for hosting #pocolo

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    1. I hear you Carol, the stopping and listening thing especially. LP has a habit of moving on from just one topic to a whole host of things that have been on his mind. xxx

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  16. Found myself nodding along with so many of these. And you are anything but stupid! #PoLoCo

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