9 ways to keep the love alive in a marriage

The Hubby and I will have been married for 11 years in June and I am still as happy now as I was the day we married. In fact I'd say I'm more happy, I have two smart, gorgeous boys and a wonderful husband who loves me. The Hubby is my best friend, we rarely spend time apart and when we do I feel like I've lost a part of myself. Don't get me wrong, we have our moments but overall we're very happy - we've kept our love alive during our just over 15 years together.

With Valentine's Day just around the corner I thought I'd share a few things I've learned about how to keep the love alive in a marriage. 


1. Spend time together 


I have known lots of couples that don't spend time together, they do their own thing. The man goes out to the pub while the woman stays home and cooks dinner or takes care of the children. Sometimes it's the other way around but not often. When it comes to spending time together they have a rare date night which keeps the relationship going but I often wonder if either of them are truly happy. And then the inevitable happens - splitting up, or worse - divorce

Despite the Hubby and I both working at home we don't spend every minute of every day together. Hubby works in the lounge and I work in my office upstairs during office hours. We take a break at lunch time and eat lunch together, this is when we chat and sometimes watch the news and discuss whatever happens to be the day's news. After lunch it's back to work - separately. 

Later in the day when the boys are home from school and Hubby has finished work we eat dinner together and after that the time is ours. We spend our evenings doing various things like watching TV series or movies, doing a jigsaw, or even reading - but whatever it is we do, we're usually together. It is rare that we have an evening apart. 



The Hubby and I inside Blackpool Tower.



It might sound like we spend too much time together - enough that we could get bored. But how could you get bored when there's always something interesting to discuss? I don't know how it happens but we always find something interesting to talk about - our topics have ranged from economics and complicated maths to whether our boys are doing okay in school. I never bore of talking to the Hubby.


2. Take an interest in each other's hobbies


Not everyone has a hobby and that's fine, but the point is that you take an interest in the things your partner likes or finds interesting. 

I am rubbish at maths - I mean, really. I'm okay at basic maths but anything more complicated than 5 x 5 is beyond me. I'm ashamed of it but that's just how it is, I don't use maths every day and have gradually got worse at it over the years. However, maths is one of the subjects that the Hubby loves. When he discusses any kind of mathematics his eyes light up and he gets all animated as he tries to explain complicated equations and theories in a way he think I'll understand. To be honest he is very good at getting me to understand things - we were discussing calculus recently and despite me never having studied it I kind of understood what it's about (not that I could do any of it!). I love seeing him so excited about something and it's even better when he's trying to teach our boys maths. 





Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

William Shakespeare





Since I started blogging the Hubby has been happy to discuss anything to do with it. He listens when I want to rant about Facebook changing their algorithms or when I talk about the latest scandal about a blogger. I'm sure he gets bored of listening to it sometimes but he still listens.

I believe that if you listen to your partner when they're talking about something they enjoy you make a connection. Your partner sees that you're listening to them, they see that you are taking an interest in them and it brings you closer. If you can listen and be present during them getting excitable about something you may even get enthusiastic yourself!


3. Unplug


Today we are surrounded by technology, we carry small computers around in our pocket and we're always connected. But when was the last time you spent time together without all that technology?

It's so easy, when you're chatting, to glance at your phone and see if you've got any notifications. But what is that telling your partner? That you're bored and want to be doing something else. 

Try spending time together without the technology - put your phones away, somewhere you can't get to them. Turn the iPad off or put it out of reach. Keep the TV off. Like I said, one of the things the Hubby and I do together is jigsaws - we have a huge collection and we'll pull one out and sit at the dining table as we work to piece it together, together. Another thing we do is Lego sets - we've built the Lego Taj Mahal, the Lego Tower Bridge, and the Lego Disney Castle to mention a few. We always find something to talk about while building and we feel connected because we're working together to build something. When it's finished we both know we contributed to getting it finished and feel accomplished as a couple.

Whatever it is you do, do it without the help of technology.


4. Laugh together


Whether watching a great movie (like Hot Fuzz - one of our favourites) or telling each other jokes you've got to be able to laugh together. 

The Hubby and I are lucky, we find the same things funny. From binge watching Friends or The Office to crying with laughter because we said the same thing at the same time we're always laughing. 



Hubby and I in a boat on our way to Venice.



Go and see a stand up comedian, watch your (both of yours) favourite comedy movie, mess about like you're children. Whatever it is that gets you to laugh so hard your sides hurt is what you should be doing together.


5. Go for walks


Getting outdoors is SO good. As a family we go for walks often, the boys walk slightly ahead of us or they walk with us and we talk about all sorts of things. But the BEST walks are when Hubby and I can get outdoors on our own. At the moment we're able to do that every week when LP is at Karate. While he's there BP will sit in the car and Hubby and I will go for a 2 mile walk around the area where Karate takes place. Again we talk, about family, about movies, about life - we're never stuck for topics.

Even when the weather is a bit rubbish being outdoors together is another way to connect. You can moan about the weather together, you can get soaked because it's raining and laugh at how each other looks in the rain! Getting fresh air into your lungs and being alone, even if for just a few minutes, can do you the world of good, not to mention the good the exercise will do.



6. Talk


I've mentioned a few times that that is what the Hubby and I do, a lot. We're always talking. But that's not what I mean here - this time I mean if something is bothering you you should talk about it. If you're not happy share that with the one person that can help - your partner. Being able to share your worries or darker thoughts with someone makes it easier to deal with, and you never know - maybe they'll be able to help.





Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.

Lord Byron





If it's something that they are doing to annoy you it's still a good idea to say something. Keeping things like that to yourself is not good for you, it will fester and grow into resentment and then you'll find that you don't actually like your partner anymore. 

You should always feel comfortable talking to your partner - no matter what it is you're talking about.



7. Buy gifts "just because"


It could be a bouquet of flowers or a small teddy bear but getting something that says "I've been thinking about you" for no reason is so special. It'll make your partner see that no matter what has been going on in your lives you're thinking about them and you wanted to show them so with a small token. 

The Hubby has bought me lots of gifts over the years but every so often he will appear with a gift that I wasn't expecting. A "just because" gift. They are so wonderful that they make me cry - every time! It's not usually the gift that does it but more the thought that he's been thinking about me. 



8. Touch


How often do you and your partner hold hands? Do you have a quick kiss as you pass in the kitchen?

Whether it's holding hands or a peck on the cheek it's important to touch each other. The Hubby and I often touch one another - when we're out walking we'll hold hands, when I'm in the kitchen he'll come in for a kiss, and when we're watching a movie together we'll either hold hands or I'll lean on him and we'll hug. 

Why not give your partner a quick kiss or even a touch on the arm the next time you're near them. 


9. Surprise each other


I'm not just talking gifts here, it could be an outing or just doing the dishes, but make sure you can surprise each other. If your partner is having a tough week (at work perhaps) and you could do something that would make them happy - do it. When they get in from work, or from the school run, make them a cup of tea. Or maybe surprise them with a day at a spa or a day off from looking after the kids. 

Think about the things that will make your partner happy and do your utmost to make them happen. 


The Hubby and I do every single thing in this list and that's why I feel comfortable sharing them in a post. I believe that if you do these things you'll both be happy.


What things do you do to keep the love alive?

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50 comments

  1. Aw such a lovely positive post for a grey Monday morning. You do look so happy together and how wonderful that you are stil happy together after all those years. My husband and I are still happy together and I put it down to the fact that we best friends above all else.

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    1. Totally Nikki. Hubby is my best friend too and I think that's a huge part of our happiness. High five! ;)

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  2. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your loved ones! One of those pieces of advice jumped right out at me! UNPLUG! We may go digital-free this V Day! #familyfun

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    1. Aw thanks lovely. Totally - unplugging is SO important. It is so easy to get stuck in routines of picking up your phone when bored. Enjoy your Valentine's Day. xxx

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  3. These are lovely ideas. I need to turn off devices more and really just chat with my husband. I'm going to share this on my FB page on Wed - I love all the ideas here!
    ~Jess
    #FamilyFun

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    1. Aw thanks so much Jess, that's lovely of you. I think the devices thing is quite a big deal at the moment, we all forget to engage and then we forget to talk. Hubby and I share tech-free time daily. :)

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  4. All really important tips! I love that my hubby and I laugh with each other everyday and that when I cry or feel anxious he is there and I never have to doubt it. We have taken time to really figure out what each other needs to feel loved and supported and I thin k that is s important. So happy you could join in #mg linky Thank you and Happy Valentines Day

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    1. Thanks Mac, I totally agree. Happy Valentine's Day. xx

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  5. This needs to be intentional. It does not come easy. My husband and I try to connect each night no matter how tired we are or how late it is. So important. #bloggerclubUK

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    1. I totally agree Tracy - you really need to think about each other. xx

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  6. So important to remember these things, I agree with everything you've said. Marriage is something you have to keep working at to make it work 'happily' and both have to try. Great tips, thank you. #fortheloveofBLOG

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    1. Thanks! It's so important to me for us both to be happy so we have to make the effort. :)

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  7. Taking time to actually talk — and listen! — to each other the best!! Great post #BrilliantBlogPosts

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  8. Yes to this and laughing is a key component even during the roughest of periods X #thursdayteam

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    1. Exactly. Sometimes when I'm most stressed Hubby knows just what to do to make me relax.

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  9. A good relationship is hard work but often that work is very much worth the effort. My marriage has recently improved and lost a sense of staleness simply by doing some of what you suggest - more touch even little ones, coffee mornings, date nights, laughter and talking, walking in the countryside and just learning to relax about everything else too. Great post and we need more like them. #thursdayteam

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    1. I'm so glad to hear things have improved for you Kate, it's so important to keep that bond and reconnect when possible. Thanks so much. xx

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  10. A lovely post and you're right you have to work to keep a relationship alive, Mr J and I have been together for 40 years this year, married for 34 of those!

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    1. Oh wow congratulations! That's brilliant. I hope Hubby and I get to say we've been together for 40 years! xx

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  11. Awww such a lovely post and hope you celebrate in style in June xx Sim #PoCoLo

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    1. Aw thanks Sim. I think we'll save our celebrations for August when we're in Walt Disney World! ;)

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  12. I'm not telling you what H does when we pass each other in the kitchen! LOL. But we share a lot of the same tastes and are currently looking forward to an evening with Bill Bailey. #PoCoLo

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    1. Oh sounds fantastic Misa - it's always good to have a laugh together. xx

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  13. I saw this the other day. All good reminders! #copolo

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  14. What a lovely post! I agree that keeping your love nourished is so important. At our stage (we have 2 teenagers aged 17 and 15) and it’s more time on our hands, many of our friends have sadly split up as they have nothing in common anymore. Spending time with your other half when the children are small can seem time consuming but those times create a togetherness that is necessary when the children are grown. Lovely post. #pocolo

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    1. I agree Sophie, I believe that if you don't spend time together instead of growing together you grow apart. My parents split when I was 14 and they rarely spent time together. Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed the post. :)

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  15. Lovely tips! Sadly my marriage is too broken to be fixed. I have to admit though that we stopped talking & doing things on this list =( #pocolo

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    1. Oh I'm so sorry to hear that Merlinda. xx

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  16. I love the positivity in this post and the absolute devotion which comes across so clearly that you have for each other. I totally agree with putting away the phones and spending quality time together. My hubby and I love to get out walking in the country and we always come home feeling reconnected. Thanks for linking to #DreamTeam lovely x

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    1. I love walking too, Hubby and I like to walk while LP is at Karate (or at least we did before I hurt my foot!). It's definitely great to get out and about together without the kids yammering on about some TV programme! ;)
      xx

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  17. I 100% agree with everything on this list. I’ve been with my husband for almost 20 years now and all of these things are so important to keep you connected.
    Thank you for joining #FamilyFunLinky x

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    1. Thanks Alana, Hope you celebrate your 20 years in style! xx

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  18. This is so lovely! Congratulations on your up coming 11 years together. It sounds like you are very in tune with each other. I definitely think that making sure you unplug helps.. that and bringing all the giggles. Thanks so much for joining us for the #DreamTeam xx

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    1. Thanks Annette. It's so easy to forget to put down all the tech but it is SO important. And yes, giggles too. ;)

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  19. Oh my word, hubby and I are doomed but we have been together now for almost 19 years. We’re rarely in the same country and have no shared interests in hobbies or even tv/movies we do spend our time comfortable in one another’s class many doing our own thing, just knowing that the other is there #pocolo

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    1. Well that's the important thing Suzanne, as long as you know each other is there then you're good. If it works for you that's great. xx

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  20. We've been married 8 years this year and with 3 kids on the scene sometimes it feels like we're shops that pass in the night! Going on a childfree spa weekend in a couple of weeks and can't wait! #familyfunlinky

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    1. Ooh sounds fabulous, I'm sure it'll be great to reconnect. Have a wonderful time. xx

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  21. Thank you fo rthis lovely post. We are a bit stuck right now, and I think a few of these great tips are just what we need. I think spring will help too. Being together outside walking, laughing, just being always helps. xoxo #mg

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Lisa, I agree that Spring is always better. It's the being able to be outside, getting into the fresh air and being together - even if you don't talk. :)

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  22. Some great tips here Morgan. You have to take time out together to keep the spark there, it is so easy to get bogged down in everyday life and forget about your relationship #pocolo

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  23. Ah this is lovely. And you're right, those things sound so little when you write them down, but they make such a difference and help keep things right :)

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  24. Lovely post! These are all so so true. It's easy to just collapse on the sofa at the end of a busy day rather than have a chat and take an interest in each other's lives. It's so important to put some energy into focusing on your relationship, as you need to really put in the effort after kids arrive! Thanks for sharing with #fortheloveofBLOG

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    1. Exactly! It is so easy to let things slide but you really need to be there, to be intentional. 😊

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  25. Totally agree with all of these. It’s so easy to not spend time together, to sit on phones or laptops so this is a great reminder! Thanks for linking this to #thursdayteam

    Regards,
    Sarah | surreymama@hotmail.com

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