For months now I've been saying that I want to take blogging more seriously and writing every day has been a huge step in the right direction.
When I was preparing to go on holiday I was motivated to get on with it as soon as I got back. I wanted to step it up, work harder, and do better. I even said I might attend BritMums Live when it came around, or other conferences too.
Then I got an email about BlogFest 2015. I had no idea BlogFest was in November and the thought of going filled me with dread. I may have been saying it for months but they were just words. I wasn't ready.
Only they weren't just words. I did want to go. I do want to go.
When I was growing up I had huge ambitions, I wanted to travel with work, I thought I'd be some high-flying executive by the time I was 30.
Well that didn't happen - I met the perfect man and became a mum instead. I love being a mum, it has fulfilled me in many ways, it meant being at home with my boys, taking care of them and making sure they grew to be healthy and happy. Being a mum also meant that I never travelled anywhere without my little family.
I've never travelled anywhere alone.
Not even to London.
Now the boys are older I can start to think about my wants and needs, I can start to do things for me. Blogging has been a big part of that and I love it, I love the opportunities it brings my way. And now I'm faced with BlogFest 2015 and I'm afraid, it would be my first conference. It would be my first trip alone.
It would mean getting up at 5:30am, driving to London, taking the tube to King's Cross, staying all day and then driving home. I'd be out all day, I probably wouldn't even see LP who goes to bed at 7:30pm, and it would be tiring.
And yet, that ambitious 20-something in me is screaming at me to do it, to take the next step in what could become a brilliant career.
Taking the next step is huge, it is me deciding this is what I want to do. It's me deciding this isn't just a hobby anymore, it is real. Is that what I want?
Even though I am terrified of that trip I'm going to do it. I'm going to travel to London and attend a conference. I'll meet people, actually talk to other bloggers (using spoken words and everything!), and maybe come away inspired.
I'm taking the next step.